


Learning to Drown

by DramaticMarvel



Category: Free!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:19:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2167263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticMarvel/pseuds/DramaticMarvel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Haru is believed to have died in a robbery gone bad, the ones left behind are stuck dealing with what he left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learning to Drown

**Author's Note:**

> More tags will be added later. Including pairings, which will mostly be implied.

It was sudden. It was always sudden, or at least that is what all the councilors and everyone they brought in would said. Nobody needed to say it though, who really cared if it was always sudden, none of them didn't care about other deaths. In fact other deaths were unfathomable at the moment. Anything was unfathomable at the moment, even getting through the day, going to school, or even breathing. Especially breathing, because if someone like Haru couldn't keep breathing how could they even bother trying? You can’t breathe when you’re in pieces. It wasn’t something they wanted to think of, but how else do you think of someone that was blown to pieces in a convenient store robbery gone wrong? 

Makoto was the first to know, at least the first out of their little makeshift family. After the building had been blown, and the police found the car outside, and they deducted what happened even without the old cameras that watched the story. And after the police notified Haru’s parents, they called Makoto, because even though it was three in the morning, they knew that Makoto probably guessed something was wrong. In their heads, they still saw their son as just a little kid, attached at the hip to the little boy next door with the green eyes who looked at Haru the way they did, like their son was special and maybe that was why they felt so safe knowing that Makoto would always be around Haru. Or at least was always around Haru.

They were surprised at how calm Makoto was on the phone, despite sounding like he was drowning. But Makoto knew, at least he knew from the second the phone rang at three in the morning that Haru was gone. As the conversation grew and the who _(the person who always spoke so highly of you)_ , the what _(he’s dead, your best friend is dead)_ , the when _(earlier that evening, and we know you just saw him a few hours ago for a night jog)_ , the where _(that little convenient store on the corner, where Haru would spend his allowance on candy for the two of you to split when you gave your share to your siblings)_ , the how _(the robbery went bad and now the building and the people inside were gone)_ , and the why _(was there even an answer to that question, because Haru didn’t deserve to die)_ were answered, the words began to sink in and there was no way to avoid the fact their son was done. With an offer of condolence, Makoto offered to notify Haru’s friends, saying that it would be easier for them to hear it from their captain. And if his voice broke, it went uncommented on.

But once the conversation was over, and Makoto was staring at his phone in the dark. There was now no light in the room coming from the little screen. How was he supposed to do this? Taking a loud, gasping breath, he closed his eyes tightly. He could feel the small wetness in the corner of his eyes, much like when he got stuck watching a really sad movie. Only now it was coupled by a feeling that someone had laid bricks across his chest making him gasp for breath. It was a lot like when he was younger and still didn’t have his breathing down when he swam and was always panting after every race. Only this time the water in his eyes wasn’t from chlorine and he was pretty sure that if he forgot to breathe a little he would never breathe again…like Haru.

A large shudder wrack Makoto’s body forcing him to close his eyes. And curl into himself. If he started to cry, if he started to break, he would be useless. There would be no way of stopping the tears once they started. And if that happened Rin, Gou, Rei, and Nagisa, they would all go on about their lives with blissful ignorance and get to live their lives until otherwise informed. In fact they were probably asleep right then, dreaming of things a lot nicer than the reality that was going to come crashing down on them. Part of him wanted to let them have the ignorance that he hadn’t been granted, but he knew that if he didn’t tell them, it would be a lie. Picking up the phone, Makoto clicked down until he found the right name and hit call, taking in a shallow breath, he could do this.

“This better be good.” Rin hissed sleepily into the phone as he picked up on the third ring, ignoring the normal pleasantries. Makoto tried to think of a response, but no words could come to mind. He should have thought of this beforehand. He shouldn’t have volunteered for this, he didn’t know how to do bad news. “Makoto are you there.” The voice on the other end hissed. “I’m going to hang up…shut up Sousuke.” There was a slight sound of someone hitting there foot against the bed.

Something about the normality of Rin bickering made this suddenly seem normal. “Rin?” It was quiet, but it was something.

“Yeah, you know, the person you called at three thirty in the morning?” Rin said quietly, more tired than before. “Why the hell are you calling me at three thirty in the morning?”

Makoto opened his mouth to say something, something to buffer the truth, but all that came out was “Haru is dead.” He choked on the end of the sentence with a cross between and laugh and a cry because it sounded so absurd. It was the first time he heard his voice speak those words and it sounded so fake, because it was Haru and they all knew Haru was alive. 

“Fuck you.” Rin cursed into the phone, this time not bothering to even try to whisper. There was a small lull as if Rin was trying to remember how to speak again. “Fuck you. Did Nagisa put you up this? This is sick even for him.”

“Rin.” Makoto said softly, he should have seen this come. “Rin, do you really thing Nagisa would do this? At three thirty on a Tuesday? There was a robbery. Things went bad and-“

“No!” Rin yelled into the phone. In the background, Makoto could hear Sousuke telling Rin to shut up and something about sleep and practice, but Makoto was too focused on Rin’s breathing. It sounded the same way Makoto’s did. Unsteady and erratic and painful and Makoto wanted to cry for Rin, for Haru, and a little, selfish part wanted to cry for himself because he felt so lost right now. He didn’t know how to make this better.

“Rin, he’s gone.”

“No. This isn’t funny and you can tell you’re stupid team I don’t like these mind games. They’re stupid and childish.” Just those few sentences made him sound like he had just run a mile. But emotionally, it was more than a mile. “He’s not…he’s not.” There a short pause and a deep shuttered breath. “I’m hanging up now.” Rin said softly with a click. 

Part of Makoto wanted to call Rin back, but Makoto knew there wouldn’t be any point because Rin wouldn’t pick up again. Instead he took this time to call Gou, whose phone went straight to voicemail and Makoto was proud of himself for not sobbing through her voicemail when her cheery greeting came on asking him to leave her a message that Makoto didn’t want to give her. Makoto just left a simple message asking her to call Rin or Makoto and that it was important and to do so first thing she got the message.

The next number, Makoto wasn’t looking forward to calling, especially when it answered with a “hello Mako-Chan? What are you doing up? Did you have that dream about the Orca’s in captivity again?” For being woken up so early, Nagisa still managed to sound so chipper. 

“Are you sitting down?” Makoto stumbled, his voice cracking. He didn’t want to do this, Nagisa didn’t deserve this. He was a happy person, he didn’t deserve to have that taken away.

“I’m lying in bed, does that count.” Nagsia asked with a little laugh.

Makoto nodded before he realized Nagisa couldn’t see him. Taking a deep breath, Makoto bit his lip. “Haru died last night.”

“Sorry the phone sounded weird.” Nagisa said quickly. “What happened to Haru last night?” 

“He died.” Makoto said, louder than he had anticipated, forgetting that his family was asleep while his world was falling apart. And he wanted to let them at least have their bliss a little long.

“No.” Nagisa said simply. “No. No. No Haru-chan can’t die. No you’re lying.” Nagisa’s voice had raised to a scream by the end and Makoto felt sick.

Makoto took a breath, “Nagisa…”

“No.” It was a firm answer. “I don’t believe you. I don’t…” Makoto could hear the tears start to come and he had to bite his lip to make sure his didn’t start flowing too, but he could feel just a little start to drip as he heard Nagsia start to sob. “No. No. I hate you Makoto, I hate you. I hate him. He’s not allowed to be dead. He can’t die. He can’t. I hate him. I hate you. Ugh.” There was a whoosh and a clunk before the phone disconnected. The next time he called it went straight to voicemail.

By now Makoto was ready to handle the last phone call. But it turned out he didn’t need to, like Gou’s phone had, Rei’s phone also went to voicemail. Most likely so he didn’t get woken up in the middle of the night with random calls from Nagisa, who couldn’t sleep. So Makoto did what he could, leaving a voicemail asking him to please call him the second he got the message. And then he was done. There was nobody left he really needed to call that moment. Suddenly the room felt too cold and the walls to small. He needed to get out.

Slipping on his shoes, he quietly slipped out of his room and out of his house, not bothering with a note. It wasn’t odd for Makoto to leave in the middle of the night, because if Makoto wasn’t there they always knew where to find him without asking. Even when he was younger, whenever he was scared, he would sneak out of the house and walk up the same stairs he did now. When he was younger he did it because he wanted to pretend to be tough for his little siblings whenever he would have a nightmare or hear a strange bump, but as they got older the two realized Makoto was a bit of a wuss. Of course even older, it didn’t stop Makoto from sneaking out and slipping into Haru’s house and curling up in Haru’s room, where he knew Haru would fight any ghosts for him.

Entering the house, it still smelt like the mackerel they had ate for dinner as they did their homework side by side before their run. It wasn’t even 12 hours since Makoto and Haru sat there quietly discussing their homework and occasionally ideas for practice. It was their quiet routine that they had worked out over years together and it worked. It had worked so well. What was Makoto supposed to do now that he was alone for the first time in forever? How was he supposed to find a new routine, a new life, a new best friend, when the old one had worked so perfect? Was it even possible to find a new routine that worked so perfectly and fit so perfectly into his life?

Their mugs were still sitting on the table next to each other, waiting for their owners to come back and finish them. Haru said to leave them, he would get them when he got home but he wasn’t coming home anymore and the mugs were still sitting on the table waiting for him. Just like how Makoto was going to be stuck waiting for him. He was the mug on the table, cold and empty and waiting for someone to come back that was never going to come back for him. Makoto didn’t want to be a mug. He wanted Haru to come home and put things back the way they were supposed to be because Haru always knew what Makoto needed before he needed it so shouldn’t he know that what Makoto needed was Haru?

He needed him. He could feel the tears rolling down his face rapidly. There was nothing to stop him now: no phone calls, or obligations, or anything else except the pain in his chest that made him feel like he was still stuck under the water in the ocean, expect this time Haru wasn’t there to save him. He could feel the sobs shake through his body like waves upon a shore. It hurt so bad and Makoto was forced to gasp for breath, shakily calling out Haru’s name as he did hoping that wherever he was that he could hear Makoto and that he wouldn’t leave him. 

Feeling his legs start to shake, Makoto made his way over to the couch and laid down, pulling the small, knit quilt over himself, trying to fight the cold of the empty house. “Haru,” His whispered between his cries, allowing him to soak up the scent of the blanket that smelt like chlorine, the way Haru used to and allowing himself to close his eyes and pretend it was Haru, wrapped around him and he cried himself to sleep.


End file.
